


What Is And What Should Never Be

by SamanthaCitrus



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Demon!Dean, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 20:57:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4363934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamanthaCitrus/pseuds/SamanthaCitrus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was a time that Dean told me about a place he called Purgatory. He said it was a place between Heaven and Hell. Where all these monsters go when they die. The interesting bit about this is that he included me here. He claimed that I was an Angel of the Lord and that I was a Warrior of God.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Is And What Should Never Be

**Author's Note:**

> Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were.  
> But without it, we go nowhere...

"And for the record, will you state your name please"

"My name is Doctor Jimmy Novak."

 "Would you please tell us of the time you spent with Mr. Smith and the state he was in when he first started sessions with you."

"When Dean first walked into my office he was quiet.."

* * *

  


 

_**"Sam! Behind you!"** _

 

    A blood drenched Machete gripped tightly in my hand as I grabbed a fist full of Garnet toned hair.

The jolt of my blade followed by a dull thump against the floor.

I stood over the head for a moment, looking down in disgust. We've taken the entire nest in minutes.

      I turned my vision to Sam, who was sitting on the floor of the cabin, his back pressed firmly against the wall. A head of his own doing lay a few inches from his body.

     "I'm going to need two showers after this" he said as he struggled to stand up.

     "Hell, I'll need two showers _and_ two burgers" I laughed trying to lighten the situation.

     We were in Missouri when we got wind of this case..

     As much as I wanted to just pay for my soda, gas and walk out, I couldn't help but to pick up the newspaper and throw it on the counter.  
    

The clerk mentioning something about the count of missing people raising each day made it suspicious for me.

     With the nest out of the way we could head home and wait for the next problem to present itself.

"burgers?"

  
I Never really understood why Sam's food suggestions led us to the greasiest joints when he ordered something healthy every time.

The fierce growl of the Impala was music to my ears.

Pulling out of the trail like driveway of the cabin all I could think about was getting to the motel, hot water and a satisfying meal.

Walking into the rundown room, Sam called first on the shower.

Two beds, two chairs. one shower.

"Best two out of three?" Sam said as his hands came together for a quick game of Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Damn it, why do I always pick scissors?

Dropping down onto the bed, defeated I closed my eyes.

The sound of the water coming from the bathroom soothed my senses as I drifted to sleep.

* * *

  


Dean didn't move much.

He sort of sat there, as if he were in trance or something.

He was quite distant, so I took the opportunity to speak about my practice, so that they could understand in what ways I could help.

 

 _**"Who are you?"** _  
_**"I am an Angel of the Lord."** _

  
His brother Sam, had told me that Dean was 'seeing things' that he would tell him of myth-based stories, stories that Dean had believed to be a part of-

He'd believed that he was a hunter of the Supernatural. Werewolves, Vampires, that sort of situation.

I could see that he was tormented...disturbed. The way his eyes flickered back and forth. After our session was over, we scheduled for the next one.

As the boys were walking out of my office, I heard Dean say something to Sam. Something that really sparked my interest.

_**"Well that was a waste, there's no way that guy pulled me from Hell. He looked like a baby in a trench coat."** _

 

  
Over the next few weeks or so I was able to piece together what Dean had been going through, you know, before he came to see me.

It took him a few tries to warm up to me, to trust me, but he eventually began to open up. He told me about how his parents died.

Claiming that a Yellow Eyed Demon burned his mother on the ceiling of Sam's nursery when he was four years old-

and that his father John, sold his soul to the same Demon to save Deans life."

I did a little research about it and decided to meet with Sam privately. He told me the true story about how they lost their parents.

That when they were younger, Dean took his fathers lighter and set the curtains of the nursery on fire.

_**"Take your brother outside as fast as you can, now Dean Go!"** _

 

Their mother didn't make it out.

As for his father selling his soul, Sam explained to me that the loss of his wife was too much for him and John took his own life.

Committing suicide on terms of heartbreak.

One day Sam came to see me without Dean. He had mentioned that he feared his brother was getting worse.

That they had a small argument and Dean claimed his brother was the Devil - Lucifer if you will, and that he needed to find a way to save him.

If he didn't Lucifer would take control of Sam's body, using him as a vessel of sorts.

Another time, they came for an appointment and Dean started acting out.

He was very violent and I think at some point, he truly believed his hallucinations and wanted to physically hurt his brother and myself.

_**"how do we cure him? We've got to try something..."** _

  
Dean believed he was a Demon. That he was killed by an Angel, a scribe of God he said.

And that he was brought back by 'The Mark' which in turn, transformed him into a Demon.

I never prescribed any medication But I did lend an ear. Dean told me that being a Winchester meant something more.

And I clearly remember learning from Sam, that their father used a Winchester model Rifle as weapon of choice in his suicide, so naturally he took the name for himself.

 

_"Now, Doctor, if you don't mind- at any point did you think of seeking a higher authority? And this brother of his, can you elaborate more on his involvement?"_

 

No, I believed I could save Dean. That he deserved to be saved.

Dean Smith was my patient for about ten years. And from what I gathered, he only suffered a psychotic break caused by childhood trauma -The fire.

He felt that he was to be burdened with all of life's issues. That he deserved to be hated, and needed to repent for that. He needed to find something good.

Something good _had_ to come of all the bad.

As for Sam, he did seem to struggle with his own issues but they weren't as heavy as his brothers. In one session that we had, Sam mentioned a girlfriend- Jessica Moore.

She had tragically died in a fire while he was away with Dean. When Dean told me it was the work of the yellow eyed demon, I noticed that Sam didn't go against that.

He just didn't say anything at all.

_"Doctor Novak, it says here in your notes that Mr. Smith claimed he tortured souls in Hell, can you provide any insight into that?"_

* * *

 

_**"SAM?! SOMEBODY HELP ME...SAAAMM!"** _

  
The demons tore into my body and let me tell you, the pain is like nothing you can ever imagine.

"Forty years Sam.. they sliced and carved.."

"He would make me an offer, to take me off the rack...if I put souls on"

* * *

 

  
I assumed that Hell...being in Hell, was an area of Deans Psych. Somewhere he felt he deserved to be.

He told me that he spent forty years being tortured in Hell until one day, a demon made him an offer and he accepted it.

That if he were to torture other souls, he wouldn't have to endure it himself.

  
There are many different scenarios, as you can see in my notes. That is ten years of Deans journey. Everything that he faced. Every demon, every monster.

He tells of times that he lost his brother and sold his soul to bring him back - times of his brother being addicted to demon blood.

Everything he ever told me is right there in my journal. But there is something that led me to believe that Dean had a chance.

  
There was a time that Dean told me about a place he called Purgatory. He said it was a place between Heaven and Hell. Where all these monster go when they die.

The interesting bit about this is that he included me here.

He claimed that I was an Angel of the Lord and that I was a Warrior of God.

Someone who could smite demons in a blink of the eye...that I could heal people just by touching them. I learned that he also had a name for me.

He called me Cas.

Sam mentioned that it was short for Castiel... Being a religious man myself I knew of an Angel called Castiel. The Angel of Thursday.

Dean and Sam came to me every Thursday for their appointment..

This showed me that Dean was listening to our sessions, that he was able to pick things up about me. That I could help him.

  
_"Doctor Novak, where is Sam now?"_

He's still around, he visits Dean daily. Staying for hours at a time until he has to leave.

_"And where does he go?"_

He goes back into a special part of Deans mind I suppose. You see, Sam Smith...or Sam Winchester, is a persona. Dean does have a split personality but its not multiple.

 

It's only Sam.

  
_"How could Sam be a part of his imagination if you say you spoke to him?"_

 

I did speak to him. When Dean would come in for his session, Sam would come out.

Now, he did in fact exist in reality. Sam really was his brother.

One day when they were younger, Sam went off to some kind of summer camp. He was brutally murdered, having been stabbed in the back by another camper.

This boy Jake Tally, they were arguing and he pulled his pocket knife and severed Sam's spinal cord. He was dead within seconds.

  
Dean being the older of the two, always felt a responsibility to protect Sam. Failing at that brought on heavy damage.

In turn, he assumed the role of his brother so that he wouldn't have to deal with being alone. -Dean has a tough exterior, Sam is the innocence within...  


_"So what you're saying here is that Dean's entire life, as he knows it, is something completely different from how Sam tells it?"_

  
Sometimes.. Dean will tell me about a situation that was happening and Sam would stay quiet. But certain times that he came in for a session, I would only speak to Sam.

It's as if the image of his brother was trying to help explain what was happening.

  
_"Doctor, do you have any final thoughts on this case?"_

  
I believe that Dean took real life scenarios and twisted them into dark fairy tales. The hunting, the supernatural creatures...It was real to Dean.

Something that pulled him away from the issues that were happening around him. He conjured up this new life to escape his troubles.

A new life in which he was a hero.

A righteous man.

And it is my professional opinion, that wanting to be a hero, wanting to find the good in something..

Finding a light in the darkness, is not something of a mental or medical disorder.

It's something called hope.  
  
_"Thank you Doctor Novak. You've been very helpful and clear. Given the statement and the circumstance, it's unfortunate that I have to decline your request to release your patient. This level of psychosis can be seen as a threat to others." -  
_

_"The patient hallucinates that he is fighting demons, saving people..hunting things.. and I wont have someones blood on my hands if I were to release him."_

* * *

  
  
Jimmy stood from his seat,  He couldn't object. He walked through the double doors and out of the court room.

He looked across the room to a set of chairs.

Sitting there was a man in white medical scrubs, his head bowed, hands and feet in restraints.

"Hello, Dean."

"Cas.." he looked up at Jimmy, his eyes piercing and a soft smile.

"Let's go home."

_**Dean Winchester got into the drivers side of the Impala, his brother Sam in the passengers seat and Castiel, his Angel, in the back.** _

_**He cranked up the volume on the radio and sped off down the road..** _  


**Author's Note:**

> For those who didn't understand what my story is trying to tell, I will explain.  
> Think of Dean as Norman Bates.  
> Norman's mother was real, he killed her and then became her.  
> Sam was real, he died and became a part of Dean. 
> 
> I tried not to go into full detail about all the happenings of each season. That would be a two-hundred chapter story if I put every issue the boys have faced. However, if you've seen every episode for the last ten years, then you should have no problem taking cases they've had and manipulating your imagination to see them within this story.
> 
> I did include the darkness from the upcoming season eleven but it was gentle.  
> If you can't find it: "wanting to find the good in something..finding a light in the darkness"  
> Like I said, it was gentle. 
> 
> I appreciate constructive criticism - I'm always open to improvement.  
> But if you're going to bash my work and say "that's not how it happened" or "why didn't you put this in" then please refrain from leaving any comments.  
> 


End file.
